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» Words

Scientifique Unys

Inscrit le : 29/06/2016
Messages : 579

Région : Unys
Mar 18 Avr - 20:37
I had just deleted my text message for the fifth time in a row in order to rewrite it in another way. Kind of like when I'm writing an article, actually. Except when I'm writing an article, I do know I am eventually going to make some sense out of my research material and get things done. In that case, however, no theoritical model was ever developped that could help describe what I feel for her, what I think of her. My Ph.D is of no use. Had I been a poet instead of a physician, maybe I'd have been able to express all of it in a satisfying way. But here I am, stuck with abusing superlatives, throwing the strongest adjectives I know, and a few cute smileys that may come naturally but feel artificial, resulting in something way too plain. She deserves better, and even though she seems to be fine with that, I can't help but feel frustrated.

During such moments, I envy those writers and poets who are able to spark intense feelings in their readers without merely resorting to strong words and clichés. But I can’t just keep deleting my text messages and restart over and over again. In the end I just repeat what I have already texted her maybe a hundred times. That she is the sweet, adorable even, that I love her, that I think about her all days long, and that talking with her fills me with joy. I press the small arrow which sends my plain, disapointing text to my loved one. As always, she enjoys it, and her answer makes my disapointment vanish instantly. She really is the sweetest. After all, that’s part of why I fell for her. And I know full well how it happened. She needed help. I thought I could help. I like to think it’s because I’m a nice guy, but it’s also about… pride, or something alike. I thought I’d be able to make her realize she wasn’t as bad as she said and thought. How could she be ? If I didn’t know better, I would say that her low self-esteem didn’t make any sense. But it did. Only it had little to do with how she really was. And as I tried to show her how beautiful a person she is, I was the one who started to to realize how much she actually was. And the more I tried to make her understand that she could be loved, the more I fell in love with her.

As a physician, I’m pretty down to earth, in a way. I’m not too much into spirituality, soul mate stuff and all. Still, I find it disturbing. I have met a bunch of amazing girls in my life. At this point, I thought I couldn’t be surprised anymore. Then I met her. She’s exactly the kind of girl I loved. The kind of girl I could see myself with in the long run. Much like one before her. But she has a little something more, which I can’t describe, but I know is there. It’s kind of like that piece of apple skin that’s stuck between your teeth, without you even noticing, and then goes off, and it feels nice. It’s something that I didn’t know I wanted, that I didn’t know I enjoyed. I think it has to do with a sort of confidence she has, which is very weird for someone with such a low self-esteem. She had that thing in her voice, in her way to be, that inspired a hint of admiration, and I found it pretty attractive at first. But now that I know how sweet, how adorable, how soft she is, I find those moments when she seems confident even more enjoyable. I admire her and I love her at the same time. And I hope we’ll soon be together.

Merci à Jill Calahan pour la bannière du pokédex !
©Lazlö von Kayser
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